eddieamc90's avatar

eddieamc90

Anne W
8 Watchers3 Deviations
5K
Pageviews

Bleh... S:

1 min read
So the biggest problem I have at the moment is what to wear to the concert... 
I don't have all my clothes with me coz I'm not at home and there isn't many shops out here that sell good clothes so *pouts* I DUNNO WHAT TO WEAR!! 
It's so silly, I dunno why it's such a big deal lol 
Hmm... I will need to think about this. 

I should keep in mind though... there are bigger problems that I actually need to deal with... 
My priorities are fucked up XD They always have been lol 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! *freaks out* I HAVE TICKETS TO WATCH SJ SS5! WHICH MEANS I GET TO SEE HENRY!!!!! 
SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!! 
Me and my best friend are gonna head to London to see them :3 GAH! *freaks out* 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
You know what.... FUCK YOU RIGHT BACK!! 

You think you don't know, but I know what's been going on. 
Clearly I cared and loved you more than you ever gave me credit for. 
You think you're pissed off at me? Well shame on you. 
If I were ever in your position I would never have done what you did. 
Newsflash for you, I don't love to show, I love to love. I've never told you all the little ways I've shown you love. That's the way I love. You clearly were too dense to realise. 
And you clearly are a very good showman. I know how much you love to show off. 
Anyway. Enjoy your life. 
I'm clearly better off without you and I definitely made the right decision. 
And you obviously are doing well without me so good for you. 

And yes I wonder why everyone leaves... must be them right? Nothing wrong with you at all. You're so fucking perfect aren't you? *smiles* 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
So my first journal entry eh? 
I guess I needed to let things out and seeing as my other modes of venting have been terminated guess here isn't such a bad idea. Of course no one will read this or care which is just as well. I just need to get it off my chest. 

When one of my closest friends asked me join the rp world in FB I never imagined things going the way it did. It started off as something fun to do in my spare time. But then I got hooked. It's was like a drug and I just had to have it constantly. My obsessive personality probably doesn't help. 

I met a girl. I fell in love. She loved me back. We were in love. Until I realised she was a complete psycho. Well needless to say after a lot of pain which she caused to make me love her more (yea like I said she was crazy) I left her. Life continued like nothing happened. My new life. With my new addiction. 

But then I met another amazing girl. Without realising and without wanting to I developed a crush on her. And guess what...she did too. But unfortunately no matter how much I liked her and eventually loved her, she rejected me. She was too afraid to hurt me apparently while I was willing to drive in. *shrugs* Life is such. 

And then...there was another. She was falling for me. I didn't like her back. She begged me for a chance and eventually I gave in, despite my better judgement. And guess what, before we could get to two weeks, I broke up with her. I loved the second girl. I didn't want to hurt her. 

Time went on. I missed the third girl. I missed what we had. I asked for a second chance. I still think she was an idiot for giving me another chance. But she still wanted me. She loved me. I wasn't there, but I would get there. I did fall in love. It was a blissful nearly two months. Then I broke up with her. All my doubts and insecurities played up while she was going through a bad time as well. I realised this relationship didn't really have a future. Why drag out the inevitable. It would hurt more as more time would go on. Long distance is difficult and yes if you wanted to, you could make it work. Is it a sixth sense when you just know it won't work out? 

And I know I was being an asshole. She didn't deserve any of it. While I was trying to be as natural as possible after the break-up it was difficult for her. We always ended up arguing. So we took a break. She decided to let me know when she was ready. She was yesterday. But things just got out of hand. We just ended up arguing again. I was being an absolute ass I know. I don't know what comes over me. 

So I left... I deleted all my accounts. I've unfriended her and all my good friends and removed them from my contacts. I left. It's the coward thing to do. It's the worst thing to do. But I did. And I let go of my addiction too. I doubt anyone still wants to be friends with me after everything I did. I've hurt them all far too much. This is the last time I hurt any of them. 

A part of me is happy. But a bigger part of me is empty and broken. And of course they would say that I had no reason to leave. No reason to be alone. No reason for anything that I chose to do. But you don't know what I know. All the things that I haven't told you. And all the things that I see without you knowing. Things that stab me in the heart. But it's okay. This is all for the best. 

And now I suddenly find myself with time. I don't know what to do with myself. Emptiness. But I'm going to take this as an opportunity to do things I've wanted to but was too lazy to do. And all the things I'm supposed to do because work seems to be piling up and I see more coming in the future. I'm telling myself it's going to be okay. It will. It always is. 

There wasn't a real point to me blabbering on about nothing in particular. I just wanted a conversation with myself. *deep breath* I think the hardest part is knowing we will no longer all smile and laugh together. Everyone will get on with their lives and I will try to get on with mine. I can come across as not a caring or loving person. But I do, more than you know. I just have a hard time showing it. But I wish everyone the best. I want everyone to be happy. And I hope no one makes the stupid mistakes I make. I hope no one has to live with the demons I live with. And if you do, and you need someone to listen to you, I can always time find for you. I'll try to be useful. I'll try to be helpful. 

I wish everyone the best. I hope your lives turn out the way you want it to and all your hopes and dreams come true. Don't ever let life break you! And if it does... look around, there's always someone round the corner to lend a helping hand. (: 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Bleh... S: by eddieamc90, journal

I'M GOING TO SEE HENRY!! by eddieamc90, journal

Devious Journal Entry by eddieamc90, journal

One Chapter Closes And Another One Begins... by eddieamc90, journal